Chad #1: arrived drunk af. Got lost trying to find me in my apt complex parking lot for an hour and a half. After I walked in circles for at least a mile, I found him skateboarding in a nearby cul-de-sac. We sat in the car and smoked for a bit listening to music. Heat waves glass animals. He came in and talked at me for 3 hours. He’s a master organic chemist who used to grow psychedelic mushrooms. It’s 4:30/5 AM, he realizes I haven’t said anything in a few hours and suggested he should leave. I’m like yes. He leaves. Texts me apologizing from the parking lot. He’s still very drunk. I realize this and don’t want to unleash him on the road in that state, so I tell him to come back. Stay the night, sleep it off. Leave in the morning. Ok. Talks at me for another 2 hrs before deciding we should fuck. Alright sex I guess. Then falls asleep and started the loudest snoring I’ve ever heard. I left his ass in my own bed and slept on the couch till he left a few hrs later at like 1:00pm.

3.5/10

Chad #2: snapping him for months. He’s hot and into bigger chicks, perfect, I’m in. We finally meet up, it’s great sex until I hear him call me mommy. 

6.1/10

Chad #3: literal micropenis. Like blowing a piece of macaroni. 

-10/10

Chad #4: first time sucking a dick. Before tinder to be fair, but he told me I gave good lip and it’s motivated me every day since. 

4/10

Chad #5: went to his place. He didn’t answer the door. Told me to just come in and go straight to the back room. I did bc I have no regard for my own safety. Hes watching family guy. We cuddle. Start to suck his dick. I laugh at a family guy joke. Wonder what my life has come to while the strangers dick is still in my mouth. Proceed to fuck him and leave almost immediately after. He never left his bed the whole time I was there. He told me I could have a Gatorade on my way out tho. He worked at the chicken factory. 

4/10 (would be 3/10, but I love Gatorade and a girl gotta stay hydrated. Good looking out.+1)

Chad #6: started talking around midnight. Arrived at my place around 3 AM. Cuddles. Small talk. He told me he just got circumcised and this will be the first time he’s had sex since. I get nervous so pretend to start falling asleep on his chest. He’s like, oh u look tired, should I go? I’m like, oh this is so embarrassing, I’m so sorry, I’ll hit u up some other time, etc. Oopsie poopsie. Bullet dodged. He dipped. 

-/10

Chad #7: body builder, gym rat. Thick accent and sporadically texted me politely requesting some sloppy head. He had a body made by the gods. We did cuddles and sex a few times. Not bad.

7.5/10

Chad #8: traveling construction worker. Went to his hotel on my period. He didn’t care. Told me to bend over the hotel love seat and fucked me like that. Line men lay pipe at work and in the bedroom.

5.7/10

Chad #9: talking for a while. Decide we both Wana fuck. He starts asking what I’m into. He asks if I would eat his ass. I politely decline. He calls me a “fucking nun.” For some reason we didn’t end up meeting up ever. 

-/10