Nathan #1: This man showed up in sandals at 11:45pm in at least 6 inches of snow. Dick was ok. Make out game weak. Cool tattoos and a nice body tho. 

6/10

Nathan #2: French. Drove an hour to come over at 1:30 AM and said he was going to spend the night. I made up some shit about having to leave the house at 9 as a sort of safety net, to make sure he got tf out of my house ASAP like Rocky. He pulls up, says he’s here, he went to the wrong house. I find him and wave. He runs towards me. I should be scared with his balls head and Mohawk barreling towards me, but I turn around, relatively unfazed and lead him into my house. I closed the door and no words were exchanged before he hurriedly got down to business. He asked if I’m on birth control. I lied. I blew him. When we finished we sat in silence for a literal five seconds before he pulled out his phone and opened Google maps. He proceeded to tell me, in his French accent, that he left his wallet on the back of his car at the 7/11 on the way over. He needs to go back and try to find it. His dick was shaped weird and he was uncircumcised. Not great dick but that tongue…

6.3/10

Nathan #3: Everything went smoothly really. It was a good fuck, best since I moved to Denver, nothing wierd until I told him “nice to meet you, drive safe”. I closed the door behind him and turned around to see my roommate’s father staring at me in shock and horror from the laundry room. Eye contact was made and I was mortified.

Dick-7.5/10

Dad- 0/10

Nathan #4: Once again, everything went smoothly for the most part. Until he came. In like 3 minutes. He then said, “Oh no, I came too quick”. He then proceeded to run out of my room and slam my apartment door before I could ask, are you leaving now? I quickly found out that, yes, he was leaving.

Dick: 4.5/10

Exit: 10/10

Nathan #5: This was a morning booty call, so I had to think extra hard of an excise to get him the fuck out of my house. This man was a walking cigarette. He made my room smell like cigarettes after he left. I was kinda into how dominant he was, but then I spotted the confederate flag tattoo right above his dick. I had to close my eyes when I blew him to avoid drying up like the fucking Saraha. He also had full leg tattoo sleeves, but there was a little chunk missing in his thigh. He informed me that it was because he got fucking shot last year. It was a bullet wound. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how to get rid of this guy so early in the day, but ended up landing on needing to shower for lunch plans with my imaginary friends. 

2/10